It’s time to put the Colorado football out of its misery.
I know, I know, the so-called “death penalty” is normally reserved for egregious NCAA violations. But in the case of Colorado football, being this flat-out awful should also warrant the death penalty.
It’s the only compassionate course of action, really.
After a 69-14 loss to Fresno State this weekend, the Buffaloes (BuffaLOLes?) haven’t just hit rock bottom; they’ve shattered rock bottom and have fallen into a level of horrible that hadn’t even previously been imaginable.They’re at such a historic low it’s like being at that part of the ocean that’s populated by the fish that have Christmas lights hanging in front of them.
Colorado gave up five touchdowns in the first fifteen minutes against Fresno State and was down 55-7 by halftime. The 665 yards they gave up against the Bulldogs were more than Oregon gained against Tennessee Tech. I watched a little bit of that game, and I came close to legitimately feeling sorry for the Buffs.
Then Derek Carr threw another touchdown pass.
Colorado has been outscored this year 121-59, and for the life of me I can’t understand how they managed to score 59 points in three games — over half of those points came against an FCS team that got blown out of the water New Mexico State.
Out of 120 teams in FBS, Colorado ranks 106th in passing yards, making the Buffs aerial attack their strong suit, relatively speaking.
Rush yards? Colorado sits at No. 108 with fewer yards per game as a team than Kenjon Barner has on his own. The Ducks 366 rushing yards as team against Fresno State are more than Colorado has as a team through three games.
The Buffs have been even worse defensively, giving up a hair worse than 40 points per game. Opponents average close to 500 yards of total offense.
But as fun as it is to laugh at Colorado — and at this point they’ve gotten so bad that it almost feels mean to laugh — having a team that terrible in the Pac-12 makes the entire conference look bad. Obviously even the mighty SEC isn’t as good at the top as it is at the bottom, but having the bottom feeders of the Pac-12 be as abysmally awful as Colorado hurts everybody’s strength of schedule.
Maybe they’re just building the suspense to get that first win somewhere down the road, but when you look at Colorado’s schedule it’s hard to fathom where and when that win will come from. Five out of their next seven games are against teams currently in the top 25 including back-to-back road games against USC and Oregon followed by a home game against Stanford. I don’t even want to know what the Vegas spread is going to be for those games, and whatever it is, I don’t think it can be lopsided enough.
But here’s the best part.
Atrocious though they may be, the Buffs are currently a half game ahead of USC in the Pac-12 South standings.