Your fellow University students confess their steamy — and true — sex-and-roommate run-ins. Below the stories are 10 tips on being discreet when you have sex: You don’t want to annoy your roommates completely, do you?
My ex-boyfriend Mark* and I lived apart my freshman year, so when he would come visit me once a term it was a special occasion, and we never left my bedroom. One time my roommate spent the weekend with her boyfriend so I could have our dorm room to myself with Mark — but she came home in the morning to get some clothes she’d left behind. We were right in the middle of it when I heard her key in the lock. She opened the door, and we collapsed on top of each other and pulled the covers over our heads. Luckily, I don’t think she saw anything; she probably just thought she woke us up. But she was real close to seeing us both butt-ass naked.
Door Wide Open
My roommate and her boyfriend have a terrible propensity for having sex in the middle of the day. The absolute worst time was when I walked into our apartment around 2 in the afternoon on a Tuesday with her door wide open into our living room while they were having wild sex on her bed. I immediately walked straight to my room and slammed my door, while they proceeded to have sex for 10 more minutes. In fact, they stopped at one point, went to the bathroom, and then went back to their room, finally closed the door and continued having sex.
And the Italian Judge Gave You a 6 out of 10
My junior year two of my roommates and I had boyfriends, and one night after a few bottles of wine we were all discussing the next weekend when all our men would be in town. Two of us were in long-distance relationships and were looking forward to spending some alone time with our men. We started coming up with ways to let each other know that we didn’t want to be disturbed. After a discussion about doorknob signals and texts I emphatically shouted, “Listen, if I can hear you getting it on, I’m scoring it. And I’ll slide your grade under your door in the morning!” We all exploded in fits of laughter, but that next weekend the Italian judge (me) left a few scores under the doors of my roomies.
The Hills Do Have Eyes
Freshman year my roommate in the dorms was especially bad at not knocking, ever, and my girlfriend and I were fed up with getting walked in on. So one Sunday night in early May we decided to drive up to the Cougar Hot Springs and didn’t get there until 1 or 2 a.m. The whole time we were driving I was cracking jokes about how similar this could end up being, like, “The Hills Have Eyes.” When we got to the hot springs we realized that the only light we had was our cell phones and a few scented candles in the car that I had bought at the ASUO Street Faire to mail to my mom for Mother’s Day. I had a lighter in the car so I thought, “Screw it,” and just decided to bring a few of the candles for light. We made it to the springs and hung out for a while, and soon one thing led to another. A few minutes later I saw a light coming our way. There were two guys about 20 feet away with flashlights, and they were wearing — and I’m not making this up — “Scream” masks. I just about lost my mind, threw the candle over on the rocks to put it out, and we got dressed again. It actually turns out they were just a couple drunk guys that came from some costume party. They just walked right by us, nodded and said, “What’s up,” like we didn’t just get walked in on in the middle of the mountains on a Monday morning at 3 a.m. by two guys in “Scream” masks.
Private Party Only
So this one time we were having a party at my apartment, and my roommate Cassie snuck off in the middle of it with her boyfriend to her room to have sex. Only I didn’t know it. The party was going great, my friend Lance and I were goofing off, and I was drunk. A little later, we just barged into Cassie’s room, ignoring the fact that the lights were off, and they were in bed. Apparently we saw her boyfriend’s naked ass, which I don’t remember. I do remember that we talked to them for quite a while before we finally realized what the deal was. And then we zipped out of there really fast.
One time during freshman year in my apartment, my roommate was having sex in her room, and it was so loud that I kept turning up the volume on the TV, but I could still hear her. Finally when I had all but maxed out the volume I gave up. But the kicker is that when they were done, they came out and yelled at me for how loud the volume was. And I thought they were being rude. Amazing, right?
7 Tips on Being Discreet During Sex
1. Sex talk. Communication is important, so sit down with your roommate and talk about sex. When is it okay to have someone over and when is it not? How do you feel about it if you share a room? Share your schedules and try to work things out before there’s a problem.
2. Have a signal. Anything will work: sock or tie on the doorknob, a big post-it note on the door. If you want to be super discreet, put tape over the lock on the door, then only your roommate will know you want private time. And in this age of electronics, a text doesn’t hurt for a heads up.
3. Lock your door. This one is a no-brainer, but getting walked in on during sex happens pretty often in college if you have roommates. Take precautions to make it private.
4. Silence is sexy. Sex can be loud: beds bang against the wall, mattresses creak, and some people get pretty vocal. But overhearing all that can get pretty annoying. So if you know your roommate (or neighbors) are home, keep it down. Sometimes trying to stay completely silent can be super sexy. Then, when you know you have the place to yourself for the night, be as loud as you want.
5. Embrace your iTunes library. To help hide any noise during sex, play some sweet tunes from your computer or through speakers. If it’s late and your roommate has a test the next day, this might not be the best option. But the right songs and volume can help you be discreet and set the mood in the process.
6. Timing is key. Sometimes it seems like you can’t help yourself when you want sex with your partner — but doing it at 2 p.m. on a Wednesday when three of your roommates are home isn’t a wise decision. Be aware of what time it is and who is home when you start getting it on. Plan around your roommates’ schedules, and if they’re gone for the night or weekend, take full advantage of their absence.
7. Switch it up. Don’t always have sex at your place, try it as your partner’s as well. That way one set of roommates aren’t subjected to all your sexy time. Find what works for you, but try to vary your sleepovers.
* Names have been changed