Kwiecien: How to find love in a hookup culture
“I’m losing faith in the boys on campus. I have yet to find a guy who is interested in being more than a friend without just ‘hooking up,’ and I’m not quite sure what to do anymore. I’ve had crushes and interests but they’ve all fallen flat because I’m not into having casual sex with them.” – Is there any hope?
Dear Is there any hope?,
Yes, there is hope. No, you’re not alone. But yes, it does seem like you are in the minority.
At the University of Oregon and on campuses across the nation, a hookup culture prevails due to expectations set by movies and TV about what college will be like for us young, horny adults.
This is an exciting time full of new freedoms, interesting peers and longing desires, but sometimes when you are in a loving mood, the other is only lusting.
When it comes to looking for someone interested in more than just sex, you have options, but these may not be the perfect answers you are looking for.
If you are someone who uses Tinder to find dates, know that it was made for exactly what you are not looking for: just hooking up. However, there are those special individuals who proudly write on their profile, “Looking for more than sex.” Be blunt and be bold! You can use this app for meeting friends, making weird pick-up line jokes with strangers or finding people with similar interests who happen to find you to be a pleasant surprise as well. That being said, Tinder is probably not your best bet.
For those crazy kooks who like to meet people face-to-face, parties are tricky. On one hand, there are a lot of peers who seem interesting, are all dressed up and usually in good spirits because they came out to have a good time; however, the culture around college parties, unfortunately for some, tends to lean toward getting incredibly drunk and being incredibly aroused.
You can meet wonderful people at parties and have lovely conversations outside where you’re not getting hot and heavy in a basement, but you have to advertise that by asking someone if they want to talk, just dance or do something fun the next morning. Once again, tell it like it is: be charming and interesting and you have better odds at finding more than ‘just sex.’
The amount of time you invest in the start of your relationship is also crucial for the outcome. If you want to meet someone on Monday and be romantically attached by the weekend, the emotional development of the relationship will not be very strong. If you meet someone in class, around campus or anywhere else and you think you might “like like” them, take time to get to know them fairly well and allow them to get to know you. Instead of just being interested in each other’s bodies, this will help get that extra something that you’re looking for in a relationship.
Finally, if you’re looking for someone that enjoys the same lifestyle or hobby as you, then look around when you’re doing that. When you’re doing what you love, you might find another kind of love right next to you. If you want to date a runner, join a running club; for readers, try a book club; gamers, look for a video game club; journalists, the Emerald is hiring!
Please don’t lose hope. There are some amazing, thoughtful, lovable people around this campus. You just have to be patient and find the one that’s right for you.
I hope you have fun in the sun and find your one,
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