Pirzad: If our favorite bars on 13th Street were people

Everyone knows of them. Many have befriended one or two. Others want nothing to do with these guys. But still, most people try to visit all three on their birthdays, especially for their 21st. These three boys may seem to belong to the same crowd – each one associated with some type of a “good time” – but the truth is, we don’t actually know who Taylor, Max or Rennie is as much as we think we do.

So, if our favorite bars on 13th Street were real people, these are what their stories would be.

Taylor is the guy who has over a thousand Facebook friends, but fails to keep in close contact with ten of them. He’s not a university student, but he can’t picture himself living outside of a college town. Taylor is the guy you go to when you want to have a good time on a random Wednesday night and you’re in the mood to meet and mingle with a crowd of strangers. He will be sure to introduce you, first names only, to everyone who’s out, but don’t count on a Studio One brunch with him the next day. Taylor is all fun and games, that is, until his sour Gemini traits take over. He has a hidden temper that boils over as the Burnett’s and Southern Comfort overflow fingerprint-stained glasses. However, Taylor is not an easy guy to lose, which is good for someone who gets as out of hand as he does. His head pokes out of the crowds at 894 E. 13th Ave. since he stands at 6’4.” He’s a wall who’s not easy to take down or dress up. On any given day or night, you’ll see Taylor in 5-year-old trends that he refuses to change out of. In just the last year, though, he has tried to spruce himself up, but his go-to outfits of khaki cargo shorts, t-shirt button-ups, Sperry’s with the leather laces untied and his backwards-white Oregon cap have yet to go.

And then, there’s Max who sees himself as the opposite of Taylor. Max is also a cool guy, but doesn’t need try to be as much as Taylor does. His real name isn’t Maximillian – it’s simply just Max. During the week, he’s pretty quiet and laid back. Max would be game for a night in, watching movies coupled with a bowl of Trader Joe’s popcorn. But when the weekends come and midnight strikes, Max’s juices start to flow at 550 E. 13th Ave. Music-wise, he stays true to American classics and thinks a little Journey and Neil Diamond’s “Sweet Caroline” go a long way. Max’s personality stays true to that of a Sagittarius as he enjoys traveling and being outdoors, while having a bookmark stuck in the pages of Plato’s Republic. He has a fun sense of humor that ranges from South Park references to political satire. However, he’s not always the ideal hipster intellect. Behind his thick-rimmed glasses that he doesn’t actually need to better his vision, and behind his hazel eyes that he hates when people call green, is a guy who suffers from clinginess. When it comes to dating and relationships, Max sees only a fine line between love and sex. He falls hard quickly. He is a culprit of overthinking text messages and wanting more out of his Tinder matches than just raunchy conversations.

Rennie and Max are good friends who’ve gone back in friendship for years. Their friend groups don’t overlap, but the two of them make sure to grab a pint together every few weeks. As a Capricorn, Rennie sticks to his mature and mysterious ways. He is more of a homebody than a partier, and more book-smart than street, but he is known to throw some mad weekly trivia nights. Everyone likes going over to Rennie’s since his place is so much bigger and open than Max’s or Taylor’s. Max graduated and works in town, while Rennie refuses to leave university. But unlike Taylor, Rennie actually goes to school. He has finished three degrees and is working on his fourth in political science. Everyone asks if he plans to go into a Master’s program or even law school, but Rennie is comfortable with his undergraduate studies. He’s doesn’t hang around campus all that much, though, since he lives so close at 13th and Kincaid St. But if you ever need Rennie, just look for his day-to-day uninform of the same dark green Oregon hoodie and ill-fitted jeans.

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Negina Pirzad

Negina Pirzad