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Fashion: The far side of my closet — a look at some items I own

We all have them: those clothing items we love but cannot bring ourselves to wear, like those outlier friends you reunite with once a year to say hello.

Here are a few of those pieces I have lurking in my closet:

1. The rat shirt, a hand-me-down from my mom. My grandpa investigated vector-born diseases and trapped a lot of vermin in his day, so  maybe this was my mom’s passive-aggressive way of showing teen angst — a shirt displaying an impending rodent uprising. I love it for how creepy it is, but something about the colors are too obviously creepy. I made it into a tank-top this year to offset said creepiness, but it still  reminds me of “Willard.”

2. Cat lady skirt. This  skirt is covered in large cats. It is floor-length and slightly flattering — slightly. The downside is that the buttons come undone  and expose a lot of thigh as you are walking, which sort of defeats the desired persona of a frumpy eccentric cat lady.

3.  Two-piece multicolored houndstooth suit with gold buttons. This suit is upsetting and may cause nausea. A guy I briefly dated in high school lived in an apartment where a 100+ year-old woman died in, leaving behind her furniture and clothes.  I received this suit from her estate and have worn it on a few occasions, like when I was Bill Nye the Science Guy’s wife for Halloween. When suits like this come back in style, I will be ready.

4. Metallic cowboy shirt. This is the kind of shirt that, if you are already wearing leather boots and a leather belt, can make you look like some sort of futuristic horse-wrangler, so the situation/outfit has to be just right.

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