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Relationships: A new website analyzes his texts for you

I have many memories of hours spent deciphering crush’s texts. Mostly, these were passed on a girlfriend’s bed during sleepovers in middle school while scenes of dreamy Zac Efron played in the background. I would stress over these texts, smile over these texts, do little happy dances over these texts — all because of an extra smiley face, a LOL placed (strategically, of course) in a sentence, or an ellipses that held a hidden meaning. It was a bittersweet activity analyzing every word, every punctuation mark.

With a new website, HeTexted, that analyzes his texts for you, middle school pre-teens may be spared these long hours of tearing apart his words on their cell phone screens.

HeTexted allows you to submit a text sent by a guy crush, then have readers evaluate whether they think “he’s into you” or not, or whether the “verdict is still out.” With minimal background information, we are supposed to know whether a boy that texted, “Sorry fell asleep last night … Can’t believe you were outside and I didn’t hear you. Come over tonight?” is a lying cheater, or just a tired guy that fell asleep. We are supposed to decide whether Mark from geology class, who sent you a text rescheduling the first date, is second-guessing his asking you out at all.

While we would have to meet Mark from geology class in order to give a legitimate verdict of his text, some of the texts are so painfully simple that meeting the guy behind the text wouldn’t even be necessary. Maybe analyzing the message: “Had a great night last night,” is pointless. Would it be crazy to think that it really means just that: that he had a great night last night? Is it unrealistic to say that a text that reads “Yo, want to hang out?” really means that he wants to hang out; therefore, he’s into you?

A text is just a text, and a boy isn’t a mystery machine that only talks in code. Besides, chances are, if you are really stressing out whether a boy likes you or not, and you feel you need to post his messages on the internet for reassurance, the truth is … he probably doesn’t.

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Katherine Marrone

Katherine Marrone

Katherine Marrone is the sex and relationships writer for the Emerald. A feminist and activist, she likes writing about gender issues and social justice.