2008 Woodie Awards
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Be a good neighbor and turn off the techno music
by Jaime Swindle | Pulse Reporter
It's Wednesday morning and I'm sleeping peacefully through the early hours of the day because I don't have class until 2 p.m. In my dreams, I'm strolling through a tranquil forest when all of a sudden the ground starts violently shaking and I can hear the land tearing apart through a brutal earthquake.
And then I wake up.
It's then that I realize that there is no earthquake; my bed is just shaking from the bass vibrations of the shitty techno song blaring from the apartment below.
At this point I groggily sit up and take a look at the time. What the hell - it's only 8 a.m.? Who bumps the same ridiculous techno song on repeat at 8 a.m.?
At this point I'm not only awake about four hours before I need to be, but I'm straight-up pissed off.
Unfortunately this isn't the worst thing about my apartment building.
Every Thursday, Friday and Saturday without fail, there are multiple loud raucous parties on each of the three floors.
Sometimes I come home at night to the distinctive flashing lights of the Eugene Police Department that illuminate the Presbyterian Church sign across the street and I am then greeted by scowling officers at the main entrance.
During these nights, hordes of people take over the building in their drunken stupor, trashing the halls with empty 40 ounce bottles of Bud Light, discarded chalupa wrappers and red keg cups.
One time there was even a "battle-of-the-parties" between two apartments that escalated from a series of yelling matches in the hallway to a catfight, complete with hair pulling and slapping, and then two additional all-out wrestling matches.
Prompted by the obscene amount of noise that night, some of my friends and I left my apartment, with a bowl of popcorn in hand, to see what was going on only to find the rest of my neighbors already watching the drunken WWE-style fights taking place in the hallway.
I guess this is what would happen if you took a residence hall and killed off all the RAs.
Don't get me wrong, I'm no stranger to belligerent nights full of party-hopping and drunken shenanigans. I understand that college is the time to kill a few brain cells with intoxication while making horrible choices that you'll regret in the morning.
I get that.
However, I do think there is a limit that the inhabitants of my building have surpassed.
There is no reason for the music at your party to be so loud that it's shaking all of the dishes in my cupboard and I could easily mistake the noise to be a constant stampede of elephants or a sumo match going on next door.
It's also completely unnecessary to get so drunk that you break into my apartment and vomit all over my hallway while you piss your pants. This particular person was convinced that she was in her friend's apartment and that I was the one who was trespassing. She enlightened me to this fact while she unsuccessfully tried to punch me in the face, after which I was forced to literally drag her out of my place through her own vomit.
Based on my experiences here, I'm convinced that common decency has been completely lost and maybe they should listen to their mothers for once and relearn how to be considerate toward others.
jswindle@dailyemerald.com
And then I wake up.
It's then that I realize that there is no earthquake; my bed is just shaking from the bass vibrations of the shitty techno song blaring from the apartment below.
At this point I groggily sit up and take a look at the time. What the hell - it's only 8 a.m.? Who bumps the same ridiculous techno song on repeat at 8 a.m.?
At this point I'm not only awake about four hours before I need to be, but I'm straight-up pissed off.
Unfortunately this isn't the worst thing about my apartment building.
Every Thursday, Friday and Saturday without fail, there are multiple loud raucous parties on each of the three floors.
Sometimes I come home at night to the distinctive flashing lights of the Eugene Police Department that illuminate the Presbyterian Church sign across the street and I am then greeted by scowling officers at the main entrance.
During these nights, hordes of people take over the building in their drunken stupor, trashing the halls with empty 40 ounce bottles of Bud Light, discarded chalupa wrappers and red keg cups.
One time there was even a "battle-of-the-parties" between two apartments that escalated from a series of yelling matches in the hallway to a catfight, complete with hair pulling and slapping, and then two additional all-out wrestling matches.
Prompted by the obscene amount of noise that night, some of my friends and I left my apartment, with a bowl of popcorn in hand, to see what was going on only to find the rest of my neighbors already watching the drunken WWE-style fights taking place in the hallway.
I guess this is what would happen if you took a residence hall and killed off all the RAs.
Don't get me wrong, I'm no stranger to belligerent nights full of party-hopping and drunken shenanigans. I understand that college is the time to kill a few brain cells with intoxication while making horrible choices that you'll regret in the morning.
I get that.
However, I do think there is a limit that the inhabitants of my building have surpassed.
There is no reason for the music at your party to be so loud that it's shaking all of the dishes in my cupboard and I could easily mistake the noise to be a constant stampede of elephants or a sumo match going on next door.
It's also completely unnecessary to get so drunk that you break into my apartment and vomit all over my hallway while you piss your pants. This particular person was convinced that she was in her friend's apartment and that I was the one who was trespassing. She enlightened me to this fact while she unsuccessfully tried to punch me in the face, after which I was forced to literally drag her out of my place through her own vomit.
Based on my experiences here, I'm convinced that common decency has been completely lost and maybe they should listen to their mothers for once and relearn how to be considerate toward others.
jswindle@dailyemerald.com
Viewing Comments 1 - 1 of 2
TechnoChampoo
posted 5/16/08 @ 8:48 AM PST
I reckon you should go and join in. If you can't beat them, what's left to do?
You'll at least get in the heads of what they're doing. You'll most likely find there was no party at all and it was just someone doing their hoovering and tax return forms at 8am. (Continued…)
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